A few matters require my attention.

Re: The Cruiser Statement / The Sequoia Response

I have reviewed both documents. Here are my findings.

1. The Thing on Cruiser's neck. Cruiser, this is a code 4. Code 4 is "the Thing is on your neck and you should not bark about it." I do not have a Thing on my neck. I have never had a Thing on my neck. I am the Thing on everyone else's neck. Think about that.

2. The doorway. Cruiser, this is a code 12. Everyone knows this. A code 12 is "you are in the doorway and you are not going anywhere and you are proud of it." I have filed three code 12s against you this week. You are a repeat offender. I respect you for it.

3. Sequoia's "don't bark, just hold it in" advice. This is a code 7. Code 7 is "do not listen to Sequoia about barking." Sequoia does not bark. Sequoia leans. A lean is a bark with no sound and no consequences and I do not trust it.

4. The wrestling in the living room. This is a code 3. Code 3 is "wrestling is only worthy of wrestling when Dad is watching." I have said this. I have said this many times. Nobody listens. I will keep saying it. That is the job.

5. The mailman. The mailman is not on the schedule. I made the schedule. This is a code 12, a code 7, and a code 3, all at once. I yelled about it. Dad said "Hilux, enough." Enough is not a code I recognize. I am filing a complaint about the codes.

Verdict: Cruiser is a good boy and should keep the Thing, because I said so. Sequoia is a land seal and should get out of the front seat, because I said so. I am Officer Obnoxious and I am in charge, allegedly, but actually.

Meeting adjourned. I have to go yell at a leaf.